Stick A Needle In Your Eye
by The Dark Wrote
Summary: With a friend like that, why get a lobotomy? A Fruits Basket & Ouran High School x-over SLASH


**STICK A NEEDLE IN YOUR EYE**

It was with incredible, INCREDIBLE, patience that Haruhi managed to ignore the annoyance that was Kaoru Hitachiin, who took too much joy in poking her in the side. It was difficult, and really, she deserved a medal or something for her achievement, but she managed. The pouting and big watery eyes, however, was not so easy to ignore.

Huffing in frustration, Haruhi turned her attention away from the law books she was studying for her exams later that week. She hated it when the twins came to visit her (granted, Hikaru had his own exams to study for and was back home preparing for them, surprisingly. She normally had to resort to threats of bodily harm and the removal of one's 'pride'), they always distracted her. Or tried to at least. It was always a 50/50 thing. Her eyes burning in slight anger, she turned to Kaoru, grabbing his finger and was half tempted to break it, along with his legs.

All the more better if she did, he wouldn't be able to follow her around so easily.

"Yes, Kaoru, what is it," Haruhi sighed, shoving Kaoru's hand into his own lap. "Speak now or forever hold your peace. And if you don't you'll end up in pieces."

"…um," stuttered Kaoru, nervously backing his chair away from her. He hoped it didn't look obvious that he was moving away from an insane person. Haruhi had gotten _scarier_ as they had grown older. They were in college now, she was damn freaky by that point.

In hindsight, maybe the twins and the other Host Club members shouldn't have bugged her so much back in high school. The 'commoner' had become quite creative in her threats. And she had some damn fantastic ones.

…to this day, he and Hikaru _still_ almost peed their pants laughing about Tamaki and Haruhi's comment about circumcisions.

The blonde made it a point to always cross his legs and cover himself in the girl's presence.

"Kaoru," growled the female, reminding him he better answer soon.

"Oh, um, yeah," he nervously laughed. Rubbing his hair, he smiled weakly at Haruhi. "The thing is… Well, you see… Um, how do I put this?"

Haruhi sighed. "Just spit it out, Kaoru. I don't have time for your lolly-gagging."

Taking a deep breath, Kaoru moved to grab a hold of Haruhi's hands into his own. He had to remind himself that they were sitting in Tokyo University's library, and had to keep an indoor voice. "Haruhi? Um, doyouthinkKyoreallyreallylovesme?"

Haruhi blinked. And blinked some more. Although Kaoru had run the question into basically one word (a truly amazing feat), she was a pro by this time at translating. She had to take a moment to think about the question first. Once she was sure of her answer, she packed up her books, sticking them into her bag. She picked up the bag and then proceeded to leave the library.

Kaoru, confused, got up and followed her out into the court yard.

…where Haruhi then busted out into a truly belly-aching laugh, tears streaming from her eyes and her bag and precious books falling to the ground.

"Er… Haruhi?"

Wiping her eyes, Haruhi grabbed a hold of the confused man, a smile on her face. She squeezed his shoulders, shaking her head in disbelief all the while. "Kaoru, you idiot. Do you _really_ need to ask that? It's **KYO**, of course he does. It isn't just anyone who gets down on his knees in front of his whole family and his friends, and professes his undying love for you. Really though, I think he should get his head examined. Come on, in love with a crazy Hitachiin? You drugged him, didn't you?"

Kaoru choked. "H-haruhi!"

"Hit him over the head with a stick? No wait, he's too hard-headed. Maybe you gave him a lap dance?"

"Oh my god, I'm not hearing this," laughed Kaoru, half mortified but still amused. "I didn't hit him over the head. I want him to keep what little brain cells he has left after all the concussions he's had. I certainly didn't drug him either. As for the lap dance… that's private."

Haruhi snorted. "Should have known."

"Should I be offended that you think someone like him can't love me?"

"I stand by the belief that he needs a head examination still, but someone like him can definitely love you."

Smiling, Kaoru moved to hug his best friend, holding her tight. "Thanks Haruhi. I really needed to hear that."

"Glad to help," the girl grinned, returning the hug. Haruhi gave one more squeeze before releasing her hold on her friend. She gave him a questioning look after thinking for a moment. "Why were you asking though?"

Blushing, a happy smile on his face, Kaoru scratched his nose. "Heh, well, something sort of came up and… Are you _sure_ he really loves me?"

Haruhi huffed again, lightly slapping Kaoru across the side of the head. "Yes, Kaoru, I do."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. Alright?"

"…alright. Thanks Haruhi."

"Now, what's with all the doubt? You said something came up," reminded Haruhi, tilting her head curiously.

"W-w-well…" Kaoru stuttered once more, his face an even brighter red now.

"I asked him to marry me," a familiar voice answered from beside them both. "You know how he is, Haruhi, always nervous if someone so much as admits affection towards him. Or blushing. Lots of blushing."

"I thought that's why you're with him, Kyo-san," teased Haruhi, watching the taller redhead walk towards her and Kaoru, wrapping his arm around the younger male's waist once he reached them. She smiled as he kissed the blushing one's temple. "So? Marriage? When did the question get popped?"

"A-ah," fidgeted Kaoru, his face getting so red, Haruhi was surprised that he hadn't passed out yet. The smirk that appeared on Kyo's face just made the blushing worse. "…two months ago?"

"…and I'm just **now** finding out about it?"

"…surprise?"

Kyo laughed at the pissed off look Haruhi gave Kaoru. He let the younger redhead escape his hold when the brunette started to stomp her way closer towards his Kitten. The only reason he was even here was because he was supposed to be picking the two up for lunch. He hadn't been expecting the show though.

"KAORU HITACHIIN! HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO ONLY TELL ME NOW?! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME A WEEK AFTER AT THE LATEST!"

"Haruhi! I'm sorry! Wait, what are you doing with that dictionary?"

"Beat you over the head with it until you pass out, that's what! Then I'll break your girly legs so you can't run away from me again! I should have done it when I first realized you were going to be trouble ages ago!"

"Hey! I'd like him to come back in one piece if you don't mind," shouted Kyo, his hands cupped around his mouth so the two could hear him as they ran across the courtyard. He snorted as the pair disregarded anyone else out and about, running over blankets and textbooks. "SERIOUSLY! I happen to like that body, you know!"

"K-KYO!"

"I always knew you were a pervert!"

"H-HARUHI! You almost hit me!"

"I want you unconscious for that leg breaking, remember Kaoru?"

"If you do that, how am I supposed to ask you to be my maid of honor?!"

"WHAT?!"

Really, Haruhi deserved that medal. But it needed to be for just being Kaoru's friend for as long as she had. The Hitachiin managed to shock her far too often. So much so in fact, her brain cells suffered a miserable death on a regular basis. With a friend like that, why get a lobotomy?

"KAORU GET BACK HERE!"

"NOT IF YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY LEGS!"

"Hey, I really do like that body the way it is!"


End file.
